omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
