I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize