dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
