He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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