mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize