he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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