This is not my ceiling
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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