you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
