so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
