I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
