What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
