Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
