I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
