I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
