ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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