Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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