Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
