It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
