There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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