I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
