I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
