the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
