I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
