Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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