To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Enjoy the penises
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
