i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
