Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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