I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
