I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
