How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
