I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
