um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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