when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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