Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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