Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
