I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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