I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
