Umm I'm too high to move.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
