Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
