I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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