two words: eviction party
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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