Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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