When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
