im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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