He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
