Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
