oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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