I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
