He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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