It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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