I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
