I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
