hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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