just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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