do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
