I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
