Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize