When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
