if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
