I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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