I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
