a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
