Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
