Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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