I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How external is "for external use only"?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
