The maid of honor just puked.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize