i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
