No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
