trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
