I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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