ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
