i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
