Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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