I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
