People in love make me want to vomit
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize