I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Even my vagina gasped.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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