i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
