i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She even gives head with a lisp.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
